i know you care what people think. honestly, same.

To the woman who’s still overthinking that conversation from last week…

People love to say they “don’t care what others think about them”. Like it’s some badge of honor. Some kind of proof that they’re evolved and confident and strong. But I don’t buy it.

Unless you’re truly disconnected from your emotions - or truly enlightened (which, congrats) - I don’t think it’s possible not to care what people think about you. I care. I care deeply. I care if someone is disappointed in me. I care if someone misunderstands me. I care if someone I love feels hurt by something I said or did. And I don’t think that makes me weak.

The difference is, I’ve learned how to hold it.

I’ve learned how to be okay with the fact that not everyone will like me. That I won’t be everyone’s favorite. That sometimes people will outgrow me, or judge me, or pull away from me, and that it doesn’t mean I’ve done something wrong.

It still stings. I still feel it. But I don’t let it decide who I become.

This is where so many of us get confused. We think the goal is to stop caring altogether. But that only leads to more heartache.

The goal is to care about the right things.

We’ve turned “I don’t care what people think about me” into a script. A line we say to protect ourselves. At home, at work, with friends. And I get it. Sometimes it feels like the only way to get through disappointment or rejection or not being chosen is to pretend we never cared in the first place.

“I didn’t even care that much…”

But the more we repeat that line, the more disconnected we become from others and from ourselves.

What we’re really doing is pushing away the very human part of us that craves belonging. And that part doesn’t need to be shut down, it needs to be given a big ol’ squeeze.

I think about the day I quit my job.

Not because I want anyone else to do the same, but because it was the first time I made a decision that wasn’t about proving something. It wasn’t about being impressive. It wasn’t about controlling what people thought of me.

It was the first time I let fear be in the room, but not in charge. Like background noise I didn’t need to mute.

Of course, I cared what people would think. Would they say I gave up? Would they think I was reckless? Would they wonder if I’d failed and quit to lick my wounds?

All of that was there. I just didn’t let it be the reason I stayed.

For once, I cared more about what I thought. About the way I was showing up in my life. About what I knew I couldn’t keep doing anymore. About the version of me I didn’t want to become if I kept pushing through.

No one else had to live with the headaches, exhaustion, anxiety and ticking time bomb that my career had become. Only me.

And that’s what I want for you.

Not to quit. Not to throw it all in the trash. But to start noticing where fear is driving your choices. Where you’re protecting yourself with a story that no longer fits. Where you’ve been pretending not to care, when really, you care deeply and don’t know what to do with it.

So the next time your default reaction is to say, “I don’t care what they think,” I want you to pause.

Maybe ask these questions instead:

• What do I think about myself right now?

• Am I proud of how I handled that?

• Will I be ok even if they don’t understand my decision?

You’re allowed to care. That’s not the problem.

The problem is when we care so much about other people’s opinions that we stop listening to our own.

You don’t have to be unbothered to be grounded.

You don’t have to be cold to be strong.

You don’t have to stop caring.

You just have to care about the right things. And the way you feel about yourself, that’s the thing that deserves your loyalty.

🤍, R

Regan Oelze
Career & Confidence Coach
Anti-Burnout Speaker
💌 [email protected]
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